My Name

In Hebrew, my name means Queen Bee. I don’t particularly relate to that image. My mother named me for the Biblical warrior/judge. I don’t particularly relate to her either, seeing in myself neither the cool wisdom of a judge nor the ability to lead men into battle.
I have been Debbie, Deborah, never, ever Deborah Sue except on my birth certificate. The Sue is in honor of my father's grandmother I believe. Her name was Yiddish--Sessele? Spelling unknown. I can't find the meaning of that name, but maybe it is a variant of the Hebrew name Susan which means Lily. So, a bee and a lily. My father often calls me Debs, and I call him Dads or Daddy. I am, at 45, still seeking identity. I love being Mom. When I hear children call "Mom!", wherever I am, I turn to the sound.

Who am I? Deborah is too formal. The name my mother called me when she was angry. Debbie is the real me, the name my husband speaks, as do my family and friends. At work, I have fallen into the name Deb. Frankly, I hate it. It is not substantial enough. It is not me.
But Debbie is turquise, the number 13, it is home, it is family, it is the girl/woman behind the mom.